How many mini donuts equal a normal size donut? Cause I’m pretty sure I just ate the equivalent of at least 3 normal donuts

I had the worst job ever and spent 99% of my day scrolling my dashboard rather than my inbox. Nowadays, got an awesome job, but I go days without even checking my dashboard, let alone finding time to actually post anything remotely interesting. I miss the Tumblverse badly :(

Yeah me neither… Honestly though, my new job is 1000000% cooler than my last one. I’m only on day four and they’ve put my old company to shame in more ways than I ever imagined. It’s no wonder I was such a bitchface at the old place

So I’m in the kitchen washing my cup so I could make some Crystal Light in it, as I do every day and these motherfuckers know that because they make smart ass comments about how I never drink “free pop” from the “free vending machine”.  Fuck Off!  I feel someone standing right beside me so I look up and this d-bag coworker was like “howdy” and then shoves his way into the sink to wash his plate before putting it in the dishwasher.  Then turns off the water.  As if I wasn’t a) already in the middle of washing my own damn cup [so wait your damn turn], and b) going to FINISH washing my cup after you so rudely shoved your way in [so leave the damn water on ass!].  At first I’m like “Oh he just wants to rinse his plate real quick” because our dish washer blows and nine times out of ten, you gotta rewash the “clean” stuff when you pull it out of the dishwasher or cupboard.  There was not a speck of food on the plate so I figure I could forgive a quick rinse.  But no, he proceeds to scrub the invisible food encrusted plate, splashing his soapy water on me, then puts it in the effing dishwasher and walks out.  This is the same dude who literally brings all of his groceries required to make a lunch 5 days a week and stores them in the fridge here [which 40 other people also have to share].  He pulls them all out and makes his lunch in the kitchen, then moves everyone’s shit to put his groceries back in the fridge.  

This is precisely why in 2 days, while celebrating my last day here with one last Beer Friday, I am going to find his St. Vincent mug* and smash it to ever-loving pieces on the kitchen floor so when he walks in there Monday morning, he will cry like a little bitch and his entire week  life will be ruined.

*This mug was once left in the sink by said d-bag, so someone kindly washed it and put it in the cupboard.  D-bag proceeds to send an email to the entire company asking for whoever took his cup to please return it [rather than actually looking for it] because it has sentimental value.  The original email was followed by 3 more emails begging for the safe return of the cup.  It’s mutherfucking St Vincent College in Pittsburgh!!!! Get the fuck over it.

It started as a joke but ended up being “that thing that Cindy does every Tuesday that drives us effing crazy”.  While it is true that I do it mostly to annoy my asshole coworkers, I actually get 349584573497% more work done on Tupac Tuesday. Perhaps singing cussing along to the lyrics helps vent my frustrations, cause lord knows that these Psych PhD’s are the dumbest people I’ve ever met in my life. But, seeing as this is the last Tuesday ever in this office, Tupac Tuesday is out of control today.  The first song that came on?  Gangster Party.  That’s right bitches, I’m having a Gangster Party this whole last week I am in the office so get used to it.  I gotta behave at the new job, so Tupac Tuesday will likely be retired.  Until then….Tupac Tuesday is starting off the best week ever, which will also be filled with T.I., Luda, Jay-Z, Mos Def, and probably a little “It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot”, ending with my last Beer Friday at the office. You think you hate me now?  Wait for it, wait for it….. 

Not only is it a 4-day work week,  but it’s my last week in this office ever! Life is good.

Am I the only one who loves the smell of cholesterol in my hair? Bout to have the softest hair ever

A judge has rejected the appeal of a woman awaiting the death penalty for starving her 7-year-old daughter.

Washington County Judge Paul Pozonsky rejected 42-year-old Michelle Tharp’s claims that she didn’t receive a fair trial before she was sentenced to death in November 2000. Ms. Tharp was convicted of first-degree murder in the 1998 death of Tausha Lee Lanham, who weighed less than 12 pounds. Ms. Tharp and her boyfriend dumped her body in West Virginia and pretended the girl was abducted from an Ohio shopping mall.

Ms. Tharp claimed her attorney should have presented evidence of her low IQ and traumatic upbringing, and that prosecutors cut a deal with her boyfriend — who got 15 to 30 years in prison for his role — in exchange for false testimony.

[Emphasis mine]  

Listen bitch, you clearly sucked ass at being a mom and now you wanna get all “I know some legal shit” on people and try to use the fact that you are dumb as fuck and had a terrible childhood as an excuse to get an appeal?  Low IQ or not, you know damn well that a god damn 7 year old girl should weigh more than 12 pounds. And really, you had a traumatic upbringing?  Obviously you didn’t weigh as much as some newborns when you were in 1st grade because your sorry ass made it to 42 years old, didn’t you? Here’s an idea:  Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. 

We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary last month.  Thinking back, there are a few minor things I wish had been different (like the lavender dresses looking baby blue in every damn photo!), but overall I want a Do Over just because it was so damn fun that I wish the day would have lasted longer!  Then I see shit like this:

This was an actual wedding cake topper at someone’s wedding. In their case, they need a Do Over for the whole damn thing so that a professional can make their wedding less of the 8th Grade Halloween Party I imagine it was with a monstrosity like this!  [The cake itself was even more of a hot mess!] But, to each his own I guess…